How to be the perfect guest when sitting in

So, you wanna get up on stage and play with the band huh? There is a fine line between welcome guest and pest when sitting in. Follow these steps to ensure that your presence is welcome and you are invited back by the band

Watching a great band having a great night while you are sitting on your hands can be frustrating. It is natural that as the night goes on (and after a few drinks), you start to want  a “piece of the action”. As you grow more bored or anxious, asking the band to let you sit in starts to sound more and more like a good idea to you. At that moment, you should stop and ask yourself if the band is likely to feel the same way.

In all my years, rarely have I heard a band-member proclaim: “Boy, I sure wish someone in the audience would ask us if they can sit in…”  In fact, I have never heard someone say that. This does not mean that all musicians are un-friendly. Most of the time, there is a set list or the music the band is playing has been rehearsed vigorously. In either case, having someone that they do not know up on stage, playing songs that they do not know is not a formula for success. Most musicians just want to sound as good as they can. What they don’t want is to be embarrassed.

It is important to understand that with few exceptions, if you ask the band to let you sit in, you are not doing them any favors. Even if you fancy yourself a serious shredder and consider the musicians on stage average players, you have to respect the fact that they took the time and effort to do what it took in getting on that stage. They had to write / rehearse the music, book the gig, get themselves there, set up and then perform as if it was effortless. Every musician goes through this. So, remind yourself that this is their time, this is their payback. And then ask yourself: “Do I actually think that I can somehow enhance their performance tonight, even though they don’t know me and I have not rehearsed the music with them?” Your answer might be “Yes”, or it might be “Nah, I just selfishly want to get up there and have a little bit of their amazing evening for my own purposes / look cool / show off / shred like crazy / impress my girlfriend, etc…”. If your answer was the latter, consider re-considering. Since you know that the only reason that you would ask them to let you sit in is for your own desires, why not just leave them alone and let them at least reap what hard-earned rewards they can from all of their efforts.

Granted, some genres, such as Jazz, are more suited to “Sitting In”. In fact, in many cases it is  encouraged. If you feel that the answer to the aforementioned question is yes, you can actually offer some value to them, consider some advice first that will ensure the best possible out-come.

Don’t make them say “No” twice

If for any reason, the band turns down your request, simply say “Hey, no problem. You guys sound great tonight, have a great gig!” and leave them alone. Trust me, asking repeatedly is just annoying. Let it go.

If you are Drunk, don’t do it.

I should not have to explain this one.

Do not break another guitar player’s string

Nothing is more aggravating than letting someone sit in, use my guitar, and then being handed back a guitar with five strings. How friggin’ un-cool. The next question is probably: “Well, how do I make sure I don’t break a string?” Easy Answer: You just make it your business to not break one. Don’t bend so hard, don’t do any crazy dive-bombs, solo less, whatever, just take it easy on somone else’s guitar. Why make the guy hate you and dread having allowed you on stage?

Make sure you are up for it

No matter how confident you may feel, keep in mind that while the music may sound simple, you never know how simple the NEXT song is gonna be. There may be odd time changes, odd chords, or they may interpret a cover that you know in a strange way. Make sure your ears are in-shape and you can either figure out the chord changes as they are played or you can take direction as it is shouted to you from 10 feet away while the music drowns it out.

Don’t be offended if they let you sit in on “Mustang Sally”

Just about every cover band I have been in had a rule about when people just “Had” to sit in: We play “Mustang Sally” while they sit in.  Again, remember that the band has probably spent time rehearsing these songs. Why should they waste a well-arranged song on someone who will most likely miss all the changes? Most bands will play a “Throw Away” song when you sit in. It’s a survival tactic. They just want to get you out their hair and off stage as quickly as possible so that they can get back to what they were doing. Don’t be offended, it’s just business.

Don’t solo without asking

Even if you are sure that it is now time for the big guitar solo, just play rhythm until you are told to solo. The best way for a guitarist to impress a band when they sit in is to simply not solo until someone tells you to. This lets them know that you know how to listen and you have class. They will all remember you for that much more than any jaw-dropping solo you may play.

Don’t try to change musical history

Eeven if you are a world-class sweep-picker / shredder / rocker or be-bop soloist,  save it for one of your gigs. When you play, make it your business to fit in with the rhythm section immediately. Do not deviate until you feel really locked-in with the bassist and drummer. When you solo, just play a nice solo and that is it. Remember, these guys have been playing full-bore for the last few hours and they know each other. You have been sitting around for the last few hours, probably holding a cold drink, you have not warmed up, you will play through someone else’ rig and you do not know these musicians. Think about it. This is probably not the right scenario to play “Eruption” with the guitar behind you neck. (Yes, I’ve seen guys try to do stuff like this when sitting in. I cannot make this kind of stuff up.)

Offer something new or refreshing

Try to bring something to the music that has not been present in the evening. If the band’s guitarist plays mostly pentatonic stuff, throw some 6ths, 7th, or 9ths in to your chords. If he plays a lot of rock licks, play some bluesy stuff with a lot of feeling. This is not to say try and show them up, just try and offer something new or fresh so that when you get off the stage, the band or audience feels as if something special has just happened. Don’t just do the same kind of stuff that the band’s guitar player has been doing all night and try to do it better than him. That is un-cool and boring.

Summary

Some may take this article (or my tone in writing) as an indication that I think anyone who asks to sit in is just a pain in the neck, or you should never ever ask to sit in. Not true. I have had a few experiences where a guy nobody knew asked two or three times to sit in, we finally let him up, just to get him out of our hair and the guy was just amazing. One time in particular that I recall, a guy got up and played some of the coolest soul / R&B organ that I’d ever heard. When I was soloing, he really pushed me harmonically in a way that was quite magical. After the song was over, he politely said “Thank you” and immediately stepped away from the organ. We begged him to do one more song, as did the audience. This is what you want. If you can’t elicit that kind of warmth and appreciation from the band or the audience after sitting in, then consider not doing it. Save it for when you are really ready.

Now, did I like the fact that this guy made us say “No” twice and then bugged us until we said “yes”? No, I did not like that. In his case, he was more than worth the hassle, but that is rare. In fact, it has been my experience with almost no exceptions, that few great musicians even ask to sit in, and really good ones never ask twice. If you say “No”, they are cool and polite. Usually if someone is just like that, I will actually keep him in mind and call him up later in the evening if the moment seems right. Why? Because they way he handled “no” told me all I needed to know about him: he was cool. Cool people usually don’t suck.

What if you know all the musicians on stage very well? Well, if that is the case, just knock off 40% of what I said. If you know the band well, chances are that you are familiar with the material as well. In this scenario, etiquette is not quite as critical because as you value your relationship with these people, you are more likely to just do the right thing.

For the record, I think sitting in is a wonderful concept and there are some really magical moments that can arise from it. Unfortunately, there is also a great deal of frustration that can ensue when someone can’t take a polite “No” for an answer, or when someone gets up on stage, is in way over their head, and they waste everyone’s time. If you are in the audience when a great band is having a great night, do them a favor, leave them alone. If you must get up, be cool about it and  bring the right attitude with you on stage. you are more likely to become the special moment in everyone’s night.